I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
