go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
