just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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