i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
