Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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