areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
