it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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