if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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