i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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