So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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