ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
