Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
