Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Life is so much better after having sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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