I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
