you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
