My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
