Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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