I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
