Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
