i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
