Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
