If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
