she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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