I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize