I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
