wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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