We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
