dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
