yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
