mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
