Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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