She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
