i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
