ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
