My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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