I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
where are my eyebrows?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
