life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
