there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
