omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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