so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
