No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
