god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're a waste of cheezeits
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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