I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
