I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
