I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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