I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
