She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
