ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He passed out mid-signature
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
