Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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