he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Alive.
So much puke
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
