so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
