dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
