i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
