Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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