Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
