the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
