Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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