Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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