pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
