my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
