Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
