Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize