My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
