told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
