I am spending my child support on dildos
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
