this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
did i walk over a car last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
