So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
