They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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