I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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