I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
