um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize