she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
