he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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