I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
