Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
