1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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