i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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